Who needs the gym when you've got ExerciseTV?

My 20th high school reunion was last week. 

Nothing short of public speaking freaked me out as much as that - and I can't explain why. In most aspects of my life, I'm a pretty confident person. I'm not bad looking (no Zeta Jones, but OK), I'm reasonably smart, have a degree from a respectable university, I've got a great career... And yet, with the reunion coming up, I felt completely inadequate. I had to have GREAT outfit, GREAT hair, and I absolutely, positively HAD to lose that last five pounds. 

For a girl who, in 1989,  wore combat boots every day and enough eyeliner to make Amy Winehouse jealous, you 'd think I'd have been a lot cooler and more aloof about the whole thing, but but no.  

The outfit and the hair seemed easy enough, but the 5 pounds... I'd seriously plateaued. After the birth of son #3, I ballooned up like a post-breakup Jessica Simpson. I joined Curves (I swear I didn't know about the pro-life thing...) and went on a high protein diet. And I started running.  

It all worked pretty well, but I did plateau five pounds short of my goal. I look fine, but still have a little bit of a jelly belly, which I'd like to see disappear.

With two kids in day care and schedule so tight I barely have time to sleep, gym membership was out of the question. Runing and walking (outside and on my garage sale treadmill) weren't working enough muscle groups. I was tired of my Cindy Crawford video.

And then I discovered ExerciseTV. Jackpot!

Did you know about this? It's amazing. There must be over a hundred videos to choose from every month, and they're all free On Demand.  If you have any kind of cable or satellite TV system with On Demand service, you probably have it already.

I've tried a bunch of different videos and programs, finally locked into Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred. Marketers: Take note. This is a 3-phase program with phases 1 and 2 free On Demand. But if you want to progress to Phase 3,  you've gotta buy the DVD. How freaking smart is that?

"The Shred" really is a 30-day program, and it totally kicked my ass - but it's only a 20 minute workout. So I could get up at 6:00, do the workout, shower, and get everyone out the door on time. Brilliant! 

On weekends, I'd add on a "three-mile walk" with Leslie Sansone. That workout is a bit corny, but it gets the job done. And with my Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in the fall (sponsor me!), I need all the extra walking I can get.

By the end of my month on the shred (and I did buy the DVD for the 3rd workout) I'd lost most of my awful jelly belly. And, best of all, I'd gotten so used to getting up to workout every morning, I'm still doing it.  Jumping jacks in the morning - for me, anyway - work better than coffee.  Not that I'm giving up my beloved coffee any time soon.

So, bottom line: I lost the flab, feel great, and have better fitness habits....and I didn't have to join a gym. ExerciseTV is free and couldn't be more convenient. As long as they keep adding workouts I enjoy, I'm good!

Quoted in "Battle of the Marketing Sexes" on iMediaConnection

I was interviewed by Susan Kuchinskas for this really smart (and fun) article on iMedia Connection.

The article, Battle of the Marketing Sexes, is based on the suggestion that women may, biologically, be predisposed to being better online marketers:

No matter how much we hate to hear it, the scientific jury is in: The brains of men and women are different. They differ in size, structure and composition, and they function differently, as well. If that's the case, it's not so sexist to examine whether there might be certain things that one sex might be better at. Math, for example. Or marketing.

Before you go crazy on me, let's get a few things straight: First, nothing you're about to read applies to all women or all men. Scientists acknowledge that the range of individual differences is huge, and anyone might fall anywhere on the spectrum. Second, scientists use language like "tends to," indicates" and "seems to" in order to make clear that their studies almost never give an absolute answer. Moreover, the results of even a study of a large number subjects may not apply to people in general. I will pepper this article with "seems to's;" if I omit one, it's to streamline the language, not because I think it's an absolute....

Read on for more - and for my interview!

My Many, Many Titles

Just thinking about all the roles I play, all the titles I can claim. They include:

• Mom
• Marketing Director
• Professional Singer
• Artist
• Writer
• Breast Cancer Cruscader
• AIDS Warrior (semi-retired, but soon to be active again)
• Cook
• Housekeeper
• Potty Trainer
• Bather of Small Children
• Chauffer
• Human Companion (to my dog)
• Book Club Member

I guess it's not surprising that I'm really tired a lot of the time.

Why doesn't day care use a social network?

Stupidly, I forgot my phone today. This is particularly dire, as I am at a new job and don't have a desk phone or company mobile yet. So my cell phone is the only way school and daycare folks can reach me. (I have asked my husband to call in to make sure everyone's OK. We'll see how fast he jumps on that IM.)

Anyway, it occurred to me, as I browsed through the daycare center's antiquated site, looking for a phone number, that a day care center might be wise to leverage social networking technology. How convenient would it be if Little Tots Academy had a group on Facebook? Let's count all the benefits here:

• I could network with other moms, maybe even a few dads. Not only would this be any easy way to set up playdates, it would make me feel less like the newest mom there, which I am.
• The owners could easily post reminders and notifications - "We're closing early for a staff party," or the dreaded "Tuition is due."
• Owners and staff could easily reach parents (especially parents who've forgotten their phones!) on a one-to-one basis: "Awstin is sick. Can you pick him up ASAP?" or "Iain cut off his friend's ponytail during art class today. Can you pick him up ASAP?" or even "We have donuts today. OK to give him one?"
• Events could be posted for all to see, as could important news items, like a coxsackie outbreak in the area, carseat recalls or other relevant news.

See where I'm going with this? It just seems like such an obvious benefit to me, and all the parents at daycare OBVIOUSLY work - most of us, I'll wager, with computers in front of our noses all day - so reach and relevancy should be good.

I'd say I'm going to jump on this and talk to my daycare directors about it ASAP, but I know how overextended I am anyway...work, three kids, staying healthy/fit, peforming, writing a new cabaret act...not much time for freelance work. But on the otherhand, this daycare does cost more than $500/month more than the old one, so a barter deal may be well worth overextending myself!

We'll see!

Daycare Drama (dupe from AngryAsthmaMama)

I'm switching the little boys' daycare this week. The one they've been in was B's third, but he's in 1st grade now -- and this is the only daycare the two little guys have ever known. So you can imagine how grueling a decision this has been.

The place was really nice for the first few months we were there. I should have known, when the director who showed me the place departed on our first day there, (departed *for good*, I should add) that the outlook might not have been good. And now, four directors later, I can say that it was, at times, very good. But right now, it sucks.

After the last director left, the new one, Miss R. came in very quickly. Rob and I call her "Miss America" because she literally comes to work with pageant hair and full makeup - including eyelashes. She's built like a beauty queen, too, and loves to wear tasteful, expensive-looking, very fitted clothing to show it off.Miss R looks very professional, but she - like the rest of the staff - is very young, with no children of her own. She's concerned with things like ratios, and classroom supplies. She loves the cute kids, but hasn't an inkling what it's like to leave your children with strangers every day.

So, needless to say, she's part of the problem. She hires young staff, doesn't announce when they leave, doesn't announce when new staff joins, and doesn't communicate well with parents. When I talk to her about concerns I have, I often feel like there's a language barrier or something. I can practically see everything I say fly right over her perfectly styled head.

Turnover is a problem, too. Half the time, someone I've never met is handing my kids to me at the end of the day. There's only one teacher who's been there as long as we have.

That's the background. Here are the actuals:

1. Frequently, when I drop Ig off, his room is over ratio. Now, if this place didn't already push state limits, it probably wouldn't be such a big deal. But on a GOOD day, there are two very young women with 14 2.5 year old. I can barely manage 1 two-year old. But seven? So if there are 16 kids in there, I will wait until kids and teachers are shuffled appropriately and I can feel safe leaving my son. The waiting makes Ig uneasy and me late for work. And it's an ongoing issue.

2. When I pick up, the boys will sometimes be together in one room, with a teacher I barely know watching tiny little Ig with a bunch of older 4YOs. Which wouldn't be so bad if the teacher was actually watching and if Ig weren't so tiny and immature for his age.

3. On 3 separate occasions, Ig has come home with no pullup and no undies. Funny the first time, downright concerning by the third. He doesn't have tear-away pullup. He has to take offf his pants and undies to do this. Which means he's got to be alone in the bathroom for close to five minutes to accomplish this task. And did I mention that he slipped in the bathroom and had to get stitches a few months ago?4

. Ozzy had an asthma flare last week. I would have kept him home if I had any flexibility at work, but I coudln't. So I nebbed him up and sent him to daycare with an alubterol MDI. I filled out all the forms for him to get the meds....and he didn't. They forgot to give him his 4 o'clock dose. They. Forgot. To. Give. Him. Asthma. Meds.

...and that was the final straw.

So I'm moving them away from their friends to a nearby center. The new place is about half the size and family-owned. It's clean. And Ig's room has 8 boys and two *mature* caregivers. Ozzy's room has three teachers; one of them is the owner.

I feel good about the move, but it's a LOT more money...at a time when no one has a LOT more money for everything. And it's disruptive to all of us.

I wish this wasn't a necessary step, but I don't think our current childcare situation is repairable. Miss America takes responsibilty for nothing. She blamed Ig for the diaper removal. While her business manager admitted to forgetting Ozzy's medicine, she lied to corporate -- and essentially blamed Ozzy for lying about the missed dosed! She blamed the teachers for Ig's stitches and the business manager for the ratio issues. I can't work with someone who can't own their mistakes. Doesn't she realize that her staff is reflection of herself? That if she were on "The Apprentice," the Donald would have sacked her ass?

Hopefully, the kids and I will be happier at the new center. Ig's been very clingy at drop-off lately - a new behavior for him, probably sympomatic of the chaos he has to deal with once I leave.As my co-worker so aptly put it, "It's OK to *miss* your kids while you're at work, but you can't *worry* about them."

Running Seems Right

Last year, I started running. I did this because, a full year after having son #3, I still looked like I'd *just had* son number three. I had signed up for a Curves membership, did my three workouts religiously (despite the fact that I was the youngest member by a good 30 years), and still had people - women! - asking me if I was pregnant.

So I started running.

I began training with a girlfriend, who was also trying to lose weight. A mutual friend was hosting a charity 5K a few months later, so we made that a goal.

For me, who had never run further than the end of the driveway, it was a challenge. I had to start slow: 2 minutes walking, one minute running. 3 minutes walking, 2 minutes running, and so on.

Months later, I was barely making 2 miles, but the 5K was around the corner. I escalated my traning, and long story short, finished the 5k without walking a single step.

I've been running ever since, and I've found that if I keep races on my calendar, I always have a fitness goal. It's not so much about losing the weight anymore, it's about finishing a race. Somehow, that goal works better.

And where I used to be glued to the treadmill, running while watching old episodes of "Buffy" on DVD, I now run outside. I got a Zune for my anniversary, and I've crammed it full of the Misfits, Social Distortion, Still Little Fingers, old Red Hot Chili Peppers - all the driving music from my heyday.

I used to run at night. I'd skip dinner, but feed all three boys, and when they sat down to their meal, I'd hit the treadmill. But now I, who used to wake up at 8:50 and work in my home office in my PJs, I now wake up at 6 and head out for an AM run. I've found a nice route where I cut around a pond, and I've seen goldfinches and orioles and little bunnies in the morning sun.

For a working mother with 3 boys, ages 2, 4 and 6 (and 38!), this is my vacation.

Last summer, we rented a cottage on a lake in Ontario with the boys and my in-laws. Ig, the little one, who's always been a little tough, had 5th disease while we were there, and was just about intolerable. He was whiney and clingy, he wouldn't sleep and he wouldn't go to anyone but me. At the same time, the creative department at work had kidnapped a very high-profile project of mine, and I was forced to bring my laptop on the trip. (That was fun - I had to drive 15 minutes to get ONE BAR on my air card!!)

Every day, I'd put Ig down for a nap after lunch (didn't care whether he slept or not) and I would just run. I'd run as fast and as hard as I could, with all the energy and anger of a primal scream. It felt good. I took a dirt road through the woods, past wildflowers and hummingbirds, only a little nervous about bears and axe murderers. But it was what I needed. The perfect escape, the perfect release.

That's why I still run. I have a history of bad knees, a trick hip and I'm in desperate need of new sneakers, but I'll keep running for a while.

When the kids are older, maybe I'll start walking instead. Or dancing!

Does having frequently-sick children make me unemployable?

I've been thinking about this since last night. Does that fact that I have three children who are often sick make me unemployable? The guilty email I sent to my boss last night - explaining that I had to work from home today because (1) my toddler has Fifth Disease and (2) public schools are inexplicably closed and my Kindergartener has nowhere to go - made me feel like a pink slip was surely headed my way.

This is a struggle I've been grappling with for years now. My children get sick often, as I believe, most preschoolers do. It may be that I have more conflicts than other moms - my kids have some issues:

#1 son has Aspergers Syndrome and asthma (now controlled). He's had pneumonia or RSV 4 times. He's also had two minor surgeries - one for strabismus (both eyes), one for adenoids.
#2 son has asthma, controlled for the moment, but flares every few months.
#3 son has asthma and chronic ear infections. He's literally sick every two weeks.

...so in addition to the regular medical visits, I have frequent sick visits and specialist visits, and with my older one, therapist visits and IEP meetings at the public school.

I should also add that I adore my kids. They're definitely my top priority - as they should be. I don't dose them with Tylenol and send them off to daycare or school so I can squeeze in a few hours at the office. If they're sick they stay home. I'm adamant about this for two reasons: first, because a secondary infection (or worsening of the first) can easily mean a trip to the ER for any of the "asthma boys", and secondly, because it's not fair to the other moms if Ig gives one of his friends a whopping case of Strep - because I was too selfish to keep him home.

That said, I give 150% or more to my work. I love online marketing, and I love being part of a company that appreciates me and the work I do. And when I work from home, I actually WORK FROM HOME. If it means planting my kids in front of the TV for a few hours at a time, then I've gotta do it. They're all pretty cooperative. And if it means I have so many interruptions that I have to duck into the home office when my husband gets home and work until the wee hours, then so be it. If I have work to get done...it's getting done!

Admittedly, I was spoiled by my last position. I worked for a company that trusted me to do my job. I worked from home when I needed to, remaining reachable at all times via phone, email and IM. No one checked up on me minute to minute, but they knew my work would be done. The trust I had made me feel even more obligated to meet my goals and deadlines - even if I had to stay up til 2:00 am to do it.

That freedom (and the two best bosses a girl could hope for) earned my loyalty. I would have done anything for that company. Anything. I knew I was slightly underpaid for my work there, but I didn't care. I loved my job and I relished the reality that I could work from home if #1 son had a parent/teacher conference at elementary school.

And sure, you can take my word for the fact that I worked hard, or you can look at what I accomplished there. While I can't take sole credit, I can tell you that I helped that company reach these goals:

• Best Place to Work in NJ - top 5 in 2005 and 2006
• Deloitte Technology Fast 50 - 2005, 2006
• Top Best Small and Medium Companies to Work for in America (2006)
• Forbes Enterprise Award Winner
• Impressive growth and publicity that led to a successful (if tragic for me) acquisition
  

As a client-side marketer, I don't think that's too shabby. Especially since I spent about 15% of my career there working out of my living room.

I'm very upfront about my needs in terms of flexibility with prospective employers. I'd like to think my track record speaks for itself.

With an impending (and worsening) recession and absurdly high gas prices, I'd like to think employers are going to start being more accepting of virtual days and other family- and wallet- friendly arrangements. I believe they're going to have to be, honestly.

I'd like to think I make a strong case for what moms can do. So here are my parting notes:

• Moms - speak up. We need workplaces that support our needs as caregivers. This means you need to be clear about what you need in terms of flexibility.
• Moms - step up. DO NOT take that flexibility for granted. Just because your workplace supports you doesn't mean your co-workers do. You need to work 10x smarter and harder to prove your worth in the office.
• Employers - wake up. A working mom can be your best asset. We may need some special arrangements, but we'll be the most loyal, hardworking employees you've ever had. Give us a shot.